A Journey of Stillness

In April 2025, I’ve participated in the seven-day Silent Illumination retreat at Dharma Drum Mountain (DDM) in Taiwan, under the guidance of my teacher Chan Master Žarko Andričević. It was a profound experience. Unlike the intimate retreats we hold in Croatia—where 15 to 30 practitioners gather in quiet camaraderie—this retreat (fully booked in 20 min upon being published!) was on an entirely different scale, with 150 participants and 24 dedicated volunteers ensuring everything ran seamlessly. The difference in setting brought both challenges and unexpected gifts, deepening my appreciation for the universality of Chan practice.

A Shared Space for Practice: The Beauty of Simplicity

One of the first adjustments was the living arrangement. The female dormitory consisted of 12 simple platform beds lined side by side—a reminder of the monastic spirit of humility and equality. While the 180 cm long mattress was slightly shorter than my height (leading to my feet regularly extending beyond its edge), this minor inconvenience became part of the practice: learning to accept conditions as they are, without complaint.

The Grandeur of the Chan Hall—and the Lesson of the Open Windows

The Chan Hall, where Master Sheng Yen once taught, was magnificent—a serene, traditional Japanese-style space that immediately inspired reverence. Sitting there, I felt deeply connected to the lineage of great practitioners who had meditated in that very place.

However, the Hall was also exceptionally breezy, with windows open on all sides. While the Taiwanese practitioners seemed undisturbed by the constant draft, I—accustomed to the Croatian preoccupation with avoiding cold air—found it a considerable test of equanimity. Yet, as the days passed, I asked my self “Where does the draft come from?” and it became part of the practice: a lesson in letting go of preferences and embracing the present moment exactly as it is.

Master Žarko’s Teachings: From Relaxation to Silent Illumination

Master Žarko’s Dharma talks were, as always, both accessible and profound. He began with the foundation of Chan practice: relaxation. “Without relaxation,” he reminded us, “no method can truly take root.” This simple yet essential teaching set the tone for the retreat.

Gradually, he guided us through:

• Awareness of the breath—anchoring the mind in the present.
• Counting the breath—a method to steady scattered thoughts.
• Finally, Silent Illumination—the practice of “just sitting,” allowing all things to arise and pass without interference.

A particularly meaningful moment was when he shared Master Hongzhi’s verse:
“Without encountering things, it knows;
Not opposing conditions, it illuminates.”

These words became a touchstone for my practice, a reminder to meet each moment with openness and clarity.

An Unexpected Gift: The Power of Small Comforts

On the final day of the retreat, a kind fellow practitioner offered me a packet of filter coffee. After five days without it, that first sip felt like a small homecoming—a familiar comfort in an environment that was both foreign and deeply welcoming. To my surprise, tears welled up, not from caffeine deprivation, but from a sudden release of tension. It was a gentle reminder of how even the simplest and unexpected things can support our practice.

Closing the Retreat: Gratitude and Shared Joy

The retreat concluded with a sharing session, where participants expressed their appreciation for Master Žarko’s teachings and the supportive atmosphere created by the DDM community. Hearing how others had benefited—whether through newfound clarity, deep relaxation, or moments of insight—was deeply moving.

And, of course, we ended with a group photo, a joyful snapshot of 160+ practitioners united in stillness and gratitude.

Final Reflections

This retreat was a powerful reminder that Chan practice transcends place and circumstance. Whether in a small Croatian center or a grand Taiwanese monastery, the essence remains the same: returning to the present moment, again and again, with patience and compassion.

I left Dharma Drum Mountain with a heart full of gratitude—for Master Žarko’s guidance, for the dedication of the nuns and volunteers, and for the shared journey of all who practiced together. And yes, perhaps next time, I will pack a slightly warmer sweater—just in case.

Tatjana Mesar